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Saturday, December 31, 2011

2012

As 2011 closes into an end, and 2012 starts a new.. I am feeling a bit emotionally numb.. so much to endure in the past year .......when i recap our or my live.. i am hopeful for a new year, then reality sets in and all i can do is ask god to give me as long as he can with my husband.. once melanoma gets into the brain there truly isnt a long future.. and thoughts of radiation again.. i don't think hell do it.. i cant truly look toward the new up coming year, i look forward to tomorrow or the next trip to make some memories.. because as hard as the truth is to say, its harder to live. i try to keep all my precious moments and memories stored up in my heart , because i know it will be sooner than later i will have to pull them out and take some time running them in my head because i don't know how my heart will feel.. i read a post from a recent widow and it truly hit home when she said , i thought i was prepared, but i was no where near being ready... so . Today I am thankful i have married my husband, i am grateful the lord lives in me, i am blessed with amazing children, i love my family and friends with all my heart- i adore my dogs ( and if you don't like pits, try owning one) :) and i am happy to be me sitting in the back seat being the courage and strength for the man who has made my dreams come true .. im hoping everyone gets home safely and cherishes what they have today, because tomorrow isn't promised, it truly is a gift !!

MINUTES ARE IMPORTANT

AS I CAME ACROSS THE BLOG TODAY SEEING THAT RANDI PASSED AND STARTED READING ON, IT IMMEDIATELY BROUGHT TEARS TO MY EYES.. MY HUSBAND IS FIGHTING STAGE IV AS WE SPEAK, HE IS ON ZELBORAF, BUT HAS 5 TUMORS IN HIS BRAIN- HE HAS BEEN DOING REALLY WELL THE PAST FEW WEEKS WITH A BREAK FROM THE DR APPTS..AND THE LAST FEW WORDS WERE THAT THE TUMORS IN HIS LUNGS ARE SHRINKING BUT WE DONT KNOW ABOUT THE BRAIN DUE TO THE BLOOD BARRIER.. UNTIL FEB WHEN THEY START AGAIN :(.. SO ONCE AGAIN TODAY MY HEART TURNED RIGHT AROUND AND PUMPED REALLY HARD YELLING AT ME .. SAYING "WITH NORMALITY FOR A FEW WEEKS HOW EASILY I STARTED TAKING MY HUSBAND AND HIS FIGHT FOR GRANTED. GETTING UPSET BECAUSE HE WANTS ME TO SLEEP IN THE WOODS, OR NOT UNDERSTANDING HIS DESIRE FOR QUIET AND NATURE. WELL TODAY GOD SMACKED ME IN THE FACE.. EVERY MOMENT WE HAVE IS SO PRECIOUS, EVERY MINUTE I CAN SPEND WITH HIM IS A TRUE GIFT GOD IS GIVING ME, I NEED TO STEP BACK AND REALIZE HOW THIS HORRIBLE MELANOMA HAS BEEN AN AMAZING LIFE CHANGER FOR ME SITTING IN THE BACK SEAT WATCHING THE PERSON I LOVE BATTLE IN HIS WAY- THANKS FOR MAKING ME REALIZE HOW IMPORTANT MINUTES ARE:)