Sunday, October 14, 2012

how do you parent, when life has been turned upside down and around..

Well, last night after having a discussion with my 11 year old, ( who seems to be longing for a daddy) who then started crying and telling me she didn't know why she was crying, then she misses daddy:( my heart broke.................. HOW I ask lord, am I to do this.. I cant mend a broken heart, a child who had lost her biological father to suicide, her aunt to suicide and now the only "real father " she knew in her heart is gone... am I being to hard on her is my first thought.. Since our life has been a bit crazy for the past few years , iv been trying my best lately to make boundaries.. to establish what is what in this family and household.. its not an easy task for me.. there has been no beginning or end to each of us, the girls & I had no choice but to just lean on each other through all the trials we have endured.. now I am seeing where this is interrupting life.. I have to remember I am an adult, mother and most of all a person- I have to feed my self or what good am I going to be to my children.. but wow do I struggle with this- as a single parent who made many of mistakes for years,, it is so vital in my heart & head that i don't screw this up!! haha, well talk about pressure then... well this morning as I woke to have my cup of coffee the lord said go watch Joyce Meyers, and low & behold her show was on "single parenting" this morning.. i love when i know god is here!! and after my session last night with my awesome friend and pastor Debbie, who shined light on my spirit " which is exhausted" from all trials ive been through.. just withing the past few years.. god has showed up this quick to show me.. so heres what im learning: and im going to have to try my best to do : !) take care of myself.. i think its time to make me some dr appts, get an exercise schedule going, try to spend more quiet time,, 2) listen to my kids. its time for a family meeting of concerns, i need to c what they need and what they want. 3) Time management- i have spent so much time running around, not that its not ok to serve & help others. but wake up lisa- i have to put my home first! its time to take some time off, even though i want to do everything and be there for everyone, i simply cant!! 4) stop my high expectations of myself.. i am one woman who has endured a tremendous amount of trials and tribulation in a short period of time.. i know the lord doesnt expect me to fill every shoe.. so whay am i expecting myself to do this... yes, i may have to wear many hats and yes i may make mistakes and make wrong decisions.. but thats ok- thats how we learn, and we all know parenting doesn't come with a guide book..
5) next.. always follow my heart and listen to the holy spirit... even though it feels like i am alone because i am a single parent, i really am not.. jesus dwells in me, and i follow the holy spirit in every area of my life, so this area i have to give over and bend my knee to as well, he told me to pull the kids out of school last year- un beknowst to me ( why ) but i cant imagine the extra pressure they would feel right now having 8 teachers, so even on the hard days when i have no tolerance to sit and teach them.. i trust the spirit is still doing a work in them and me.. so really this should be # 1- TRUST THE SPIRIT THAT DWELLS IN ME!!
So, this morning I make a conscious choice to not beat myself up because I am not perfect and I can only do so much in one day.. stop beating me up :) and LOVE my kids right where they are, as he loves me right where i am !!

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