Saturday, October 13, 2012

Help me lord

it has been a month now since john left.. wow at one point it feels like a year and another it feels like yesterday, i dont think my mind can wrap it around.. i want him to come home, i feel so alone, i feel like im in the corner and everyone has left me... god i pray you take that pain away.. this just feels crazy, like its not even happening. i want to run away but i cant, i have to deal with it the best i know how.. which is to cry and ask god to please take the pain away.. every tear drop that falls feels like another pricker being pulled out of my body, the pain is there so hard, it hurts so bad then it comes out but your still soar for quite sometime.. and thank the lord it goes away- but while its in there, man nothing can take that away , but the lord. i dont self medicate - so now i have to deal with this.. it sucks that is the best word to decribe this pain.. lord, help me take this pain make me see my family with your loving eyes and not with this bitterness, they are hurting so bad and they dont have your comfort and mercy, so i guess its my duty to give it to them, and be christ to them. as much as i want to turn away, scream and no , i dont know what its like to loose a child they way they did. i mean at her age, so lord i ask you to help me see what there going thru, how can i help, what can i do?? i dont want it to be this way for them or for this family, but i will continnue to trust u lord. that there is a reason.. i may not get it but ill trust u

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