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Saturday, October 13, 2012

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WOW IM BLOWN AWAY THAT THIS WEEK IS A MONTH 4 HOLE WEEKS SINCE JOHNS BEEN GONE,JUST WRITING THAT AND THINKING THAT BRINGS TEARS TO MY EYES.WHICH IS PROBALY WHY IM WRITING.. I FEEL LIKE I WEIGH 10000 POUNDS, IM WORN DOWN, TIRED, EXHAUSTED TO BE EXACT, WHAT A MONTH IT HAS BEEN. PLANNING FOR JOHNS CELEBRATION WAS TRYING. TO BRING UP OLD PICTURES, THINK OF WHAT I NEEDED TO SAY, OR HOW I WANTED PEOPLE TO VIEW HIM, I KNEW THE PEOPLE THAT WOULD BE THERE WHICH WERE MOSTLY PEOPLE FROM OUR CHURCHES, AND WHO HAVE KNOWN HIM AFTER THE DIAGNOSIS.. SO I REALLY WANTED JOHNS HEART AND LOVE TO SHINE,HE DESERVED THAT- FOR PEOPLE TO FINALLY SEE HIS HEART.. NOT MANY OF US CAN ACTUALLY LOOK AT OTHERS THAT WAY- BUT HE SAW MY HEART FROM THE BEGINNING AND SO ONCE I STARTED GETTING RID OF MY GARBAGE I COULD TRULY SEE HIS TOO.
I HAVE A HARD TIME JUST SITTING.. WELL I HAVE ALWAYS HAD A HARD TIME WITH THIS, MORE SO THE PAST 2 YEARS OR SO, I HAD TO LEARN TO DEAL WITH IT, WELL WITH ALL THE DR AND APPTS, YOU HAVE TO HURRY UP AND WAIT.. SO TODAY I AM TRYING MY BEST TO SIT AND BE STILL. IT IS SABBATH DAY, BUT ALL I KEEP THINKNING IS I HAVE SO MUCH TO DO- ATLEAST IF THE HOUSE WAS DONE, SITTING HERE WOULDNT MAKE ME FEEL SO BAD,, BUT THEN I READ TODAY THAT IF I FEEL GUILTY ITS THE DEVIL= SO ILL TAKE BOTH, IM TRYING TO SIT.. IM NOT SURE IF FEELING HEAVY IS FROM LACK OF SLEEP, HAVENT BEEN SLEEPING VERY WELL, JUST EVEFRYTHING FINALLY COMING TO A HAULT ..? IN CHURCH TODAY GOD GAVE ME RUTH 1, 5=

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