Saturday, November 3, 2012

Pressure... do we even c it coming..

well, i have come to realize that even when we don't know whats going on around us, something is always happening, shifting, moving ....its just gods timing when he breaks us down to realize what it is we need to let go of or just cry about..! I have recently put so much pressure on myself not even realizing it.. pressure in so many areas, for example: getting my house finished, or being what everyone wants me to be,or act how everyone wants me to act or go where everyone thinks i should go or say whatever people expect to hear from me.. today , i have come to realize even though we may not be looking at these things every moment they cross our mind, they are still there in the subconscious..and then something triggers it and we break.. breaking is good, if we can work through it of course and allow god to show us where it came from or why is it effecting us so much, then we must allow ourselves to cry or to scream whatever it takes...and come out on the other side! i have been so concerned with wanting to be the perfect example of this christian widow , mother, daughter and woman .. that i almost forgot i was human.. and i make mistakes, and i have my moments and i am not perfect and that that is ok, because my lord is bigger than these minor things, he gives me mercy & grace and he loves me even when im screaming and not perfect! Ya know, I must stop fighting him in my flesh.. the lord has been telling me for quite sometime now to get my house n order, to stay home, to stop running everywhere.. there is a season for that, and its not right now for me.. i worship the lord everyday.. in my home- i do not need to be in a church or running around for that to happen- he meets me right where i am everyday- whether that be in my closet or on my bed.. he shows up when i ask him too ...always, i have wanted to be there for so many people that i havent been there for myself.. or my family or my house the way i need too - so instead of doing what i think people would like me to do , i have made the choice today to do what he needs me to for my healing, for my life, for my family, for my kids... for him and I !

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