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Tuesday, December 11, 2012

A father to the fatherless!!

So, I want to tell you exactly how wonderful our lord is ...How much He loves us, even when we dont know it!!  He can take a painful moment or memory and turn it into a new opening for LOVE.. if we allow him to take a hold of us to to have his way.. Let me share -

This morning I woke up and the song "Beloved" was playing in my head like a radio.. after i woke the girls up, we took a few minutes and sat on the couch and I told them to try to figure out what song was in my head this morning.. after a number of guesses- they had no idea.. so I shared it with them.. well, immediately Kaylee was in tears.. she said it reminds me of "daddy" ....

You see this song, we played for my late husbands "celebration of life" and it was a song we had listened to during those trying times on the cancer rollercoaster- .. so it brought her right back there.. As we start talking about what it was that upset her so much.. It wasn't that he wasn't here, or that he has passed, it was all those days & nights he spent out in the garage, or running away from himself.. and not being able to be a part of our family because the cancer diagnosis was to great for him to bear.. ( he became extremely self centered  the past two years) and that was something we just had to deal with because we had to survive,

So whatever it took we ( the girls & I ) just sucked it up ....  these two little girls whose biological father committed suicide the week I married John ( there stepfather who now has been given 2 years to live) , were now in the midst of a battle for there new fathers life.. and they had to learn so quickly that its just not about us.. meanwhile the example they were witnessing was exactly the opposite..

So, we started chatting about how hard those times were and Emilee my youngest says, I used to cry myself to sleep because he wouldn't come in and say "goodnight " to us , like he used too.. my heart was crushed I had no idea she was doing this... so now I am seeing both my girls hurting..

wow.... I said Lord, you,  gotta show me where to go with this.. because I know from these moments anger and bitterness can fester like a root and next they'll b acting it out in there behavior..  so, seeking his face and pointing my heart towards him, I realize this is exactly why he put that song in my head.. to get to the healing of this anger and bitterness inside of them... .. I had to make a conscious choice to turn this around the way god wanted me to, which was to show them once again, how we need to walk in forgiveness and Love..

As a child growing up my husband came from a dysfunctional family-  where there was no talking when things got bad , and they were bad.. there was only running- and deal with it..!! He had no coping skills so something like a cancer diagnosis threw him into the wolves... I had to explain to my girls just how important this was, that we are able to have this time and can talk about these feelings.. next it was onto how to forgive John for the feelings he did not mean for them to feel- he loved the girls very much- but just couldn't see anything anymore except death.. so, what an example to be able to use and to show them , this is exactly why we are called to walk in love- They could make the choice to continue being angry & hurt because he couldn't be the father they needed- or they could choose to forgive him and realize that he was hurting himself, and that if they choose to walk in love and release these feeling to the lord, he will truly bless them and will restore these areas of there heart, which he is already doing!

After some prayer time and dropping them off to school, I am truly overwhelmed by his LOVE , not just for me but for my girls who have never known a true father here on earth, one who wants to care for them or who could provide for them they way they needed.. The lord has sustained us all these years, and will continue to be a father to the fatherless, but he is truly blessing them with a family they are so eager to have :)

Forgiveness & Love are so very important, ask god to search your heart today- to show you who you are not forgiving or who you need to have more compassion for.. and allow him to have his way and bless you with the miracles that follow !!

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