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Friday, December 14, 2012

Let me catch up up, on this new life- this new thing hes doing

My last post was the scripture god  lead me to this morning which was matthew 1 24 When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife.

This scripture is so per-tenant to where my life is right now.. let me go back a couple months and catch you up...

Well, you see after my husband passed away, I submitted every area of my life to god, with that being said , I pray that gods will be done in my life and seek his guidance and spirit in all areas of my life.. With the things I had to go through for the past two years, god really showed up for me so many times..He transformed me from the inside out.. and I owe him my life.  I could of never walked in Love and forgiveness during the past year if it wasnt for his continued love for me, so I told him , he had to show me what my "new life " was suppose to looked like.. 

well, about 30 days or so after john passed I was serving for youth at church, and i ended  up meeting a gentleman who I had brief conversation with, he also was serving by trying to help the food bank @ church through his place of employment. We exchanged hello's and he said he needed to volunteer his time in order to receive the funds for the food bank,  I needed help during these few weeks with the youth, so it came up in discussion- that he could help me, - I thought nothing of it..was just happy to have help;)

 my life was going just fine- i had decided to put my daughters back into school, and the lord lead us to a nice,small christian private school- just what i wanted for them, not too much pressure after all they had been through. I was awaiting gods direction in everything- I wake up everyday and ask him to guide my path and show me the direction I need to go in, and then I follow his spirit with obedience.. I still had my moments of grieving of course, but I had been grieving my husband for 2 years already- so moments were still there, but nothing compared to what i had already had to go through.

 Anyhow, goin through my days not knowing what was in store was not easy.  I  am living moment by moment..  I was taking every breathe in, not taking anything for granted! So about two weeks later, this gentleman I met @ church , shows up to help with youth, I was thrilled- to have the help, well then we started chatting that night and it was so nice, he just understood me.. we talked about what i had gone through and about what he had been going through,( a separation & divorce after a 30 year marriage) there was really just a sense of something bigger happening. that i didnt recognize right away.., i just knew i enjoyed the time I had with him. It seemed a few of the people who were there @ church that night picked up on it also. So that evening we decide to exchange numbers , so we could plan dinner for the kids next week- and we spoke briefly that night about it. After youth I went home and got ready for bed, i had taken a shower, now I dont know about you , but god really speaks audibly to me in the shower.. maybe cause its quite! so, I heard the lord tell me " I put him there for you " and " hes gunna Love you through it" .. I then had visions of the gentleman and my future ( his name is Doug ) , I was just blown away.. my mind was far from any of what he was showing me- I had a knowing in my spirit right after that- that this was it.. god had put him here for me.. as crazy as this sounds?? I had a choice to make believe what god was saying & showing me or ignore it..? I was having revelation of the future at this point.. I was totally blown away- and actually in tears, because the last thing I was thinking was that god was going to rise up a man. for us..  I figured , maybe in years to come- he would bring me a man of god, after my past experiences in life, the lord knew I would only be with a man after his heart, the same way I too was only here to do his will and to have more of him in my life.. These feelings I was having werent coming from me , Lisa they were truly coming from god, that I didnt even know what to do.. I started praying and figured god would show me.. So, that saturday I went to church to worship, and here again I was having these visions, and senses in my spirit as I was worshipping, I was afraid to even say a thing to anyone, because I was afraid of what they would of thought.. but it really wasnt me in my flesh wanting this to happen.. he was just doing it. So, i knew I needed to go back for prayer and spent some time with pastor, and I started to say to her " what do you do , when god shows you things, you are unsure of" I was actually almost ashamed of what was happening, but i had no reason to be, because god was showing me these things, so before I could even say anything, she already knew , god had showed her before i even said a word, days before this.. so I found this to be more confirmation that he really did put him here for me, just as he said.. I was shocked, blown away and at the same time.. so overwhelmed by gods love for me..  you see my hearts desire has always been to have a happy, healthy relationship, and from my own choices, gone wrong I have had everything but this..  so this time I surrendered it all to god.. I wasnt about to make choices and continue doing lisas will not his .. 

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